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literature
Aurora Borealis
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Literature Text
Not unlike the dancing sky
my memories of you are lit with
emerald spirits and recollections dotted with
stars and the sparkle in your eyes.
I have fallen for your
smile in the moonlight each night it has
peered through the crease of the
curtains and illuminated your face as you dream.
I dream of us beneath the Northern Lights
as one with eachother as the sky to its
stars, it's clouds, its swirling confetti of
magical rain that never leaves our view.
I dream of you
and envelop myself in the blanket of your scent,
watching you sleep, listening to the snow (like
the night)
melt away.
my memories of you are lit with
emerald spirits and recollections dotted with
stars and the sparkle in your eyes.
I have fallen for your
smile in the moonlight each night it has
peered through the crease of the
curtains and illuminated your face as you dream.
I dream of us beneath the Northern Lights
as one with eachother as the sky to its
stars, it's clouds, its swirling confetti of
magical rain that never leaves our view.
I dream of you
and envelop myself in the blanket of your scent,
watching you sleep, listening to the snow (like
the night)
melt away.
This is crap. First think I've written in almost 2 months...
Tear it to shreds
Tear it to shreds
© 2012 - 2024 UnderTheWildMoon
Comments1
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gotta start somewhere 
punctuation would be an easy one for you to fix. you need to have a quick once over to work out the flow a bit. i think you already know though since this is a lot rougher than anything i've read from you.
the first stanza starts off nicely, but rambles a bit with a lot of great imagery that doesn't know what to do with itself. it is very pretty but it just isn't directed properly, you need some focus in your description.
2nd stanza is better but the subject is unclear. leads me back to my points about punctuation and focus. are you focusing on her smile or the moonlight?
once again the 3rd stanza really needs to focus a little more, you ramble a bit here as well. like a unicorn farting rainbows it is very pretty, but you need to consolidate your thoughts a bit and write each sentence with a subject in mind.
i really like the ending lines because you have a clear line of thought and wonderful imagery which sums up what i think you were trying to get at the whole poem.
love the imagery you use, but i think it needs a bit of direction so that you can employ it more effectively. i look forward to seeing a revision or your next piece
keep it up!
punctuation would be an easy one for you to fix. you need to have a quick once over to work out the flow a bit. i think you already know though since this is a lot rougher than anything i've read from you.
the first stanza starts off nicely, but rambles a bit with a lot of great imagery that doesn't know what to do with itself. it is very pretty but it just isn't directed properly, you need some focus in your description.
2nd stanza is better but the subject is unclear. leads me back to my points about punctuation and focus. are you focusing on her smile or the moonlight?
once again the 3rd stanza really needs to focus a little more, you ramble a bit here as well. like a unicorn farting rainbows it is very pretty, but you need to consolidate your thoughts a bit and write each sentence with a subject in mind.
i really like the ending lines because you have a clear line of thought and wonderful imagery which sums up what i think you were trying to get at the whole poem.
love the imagery you use, but i think it needs a bit of direction so that you can employ it more effectively. i look forward to seeing a revision or your next piece
keep it up!